Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Our Deepest Fear



Recently, I have begun to learn a little bit more about my life and how I should live it. I decided three years ago that I wanted to be a spiritual leader at my high school. I was denied the title. However, through conversation with others and personal reflection, I have realized that a title is cute and very little more. Do not be misled, I respect and am excited for those who were blessed with the responsibility to be a spiritual leader. We need such named leaders in life, for it is against our nature to take a position of service willingly. But do we truly need a title to stand up for what we believe and publicly act what our hearts profess in private? No. We are called to shine. For the Christian, it would be foolish to hide what God has created. We have been created to love passionately, live in freedom, and act righteously. We are to do all this publicly. We are to be a light in a darkened world, but I do not see my fellow "Christians" acting out what they profess in private. I do not understand why even I am unable to be on fire for the One who knit me together in my mother's womb and who sacrificed His Son so that I might live. I do not understand why I am not shouting for joy every second of every minute of every hour of every day of my life. Yet, if one were to come to a concert or sports event with me, they would experience a sickening irony. At such events, I scream, sweat, and jump for people who do not even know I exist. At church or in my everyday life, I quietly pray to God, occasionally lift my hands conservatively during worship, and talk casually to others about how good He has been to me. Is this a problem? Yes.

We are called to be great. We are called to live for the One who died for us. We are called to shine. So why do we not? Are we afraid of what others may think? Are we bored? Are we unsure if it is acceptable to be on fire for God? Marianne Williamson, the author of a Christian novel, states it quite well:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -MW

We were made to be wonderful! We were created by a perfect being to be beautiful! Who are we to hide this? And ultimately, when we allow ourselves to be free of our insecurity and we worship God in a fiery passion, we allow others around us to do the same. Some wonder how they could ever be a help to a community of static Christians. This is it; all it would take to revolutionize a community is for a group of people to stand and shine. "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Be a change. Those who have read this entry can no longer cling to ignorance. Those who have read this must take a stand. Let us love our Maker openly for He openly loved us.

I knelt beside a bed of awakening California Poppies. Most seemed hesitant to open their beautiful orange petals to the warming sun. Though one poppy, not a significant poppy or a poppy with a title, stretched its legs and open its petals. It drank in the sun with such a glory that it seemed almost unnatural for a little flower to be so significant. However, it knew that it was created for that purpose. Others around it began following suit, once they had seen their equal take the initiative to fulfill its created purpose. I leaned over the little poppy and focused on its face with my Nikon D70. I pressed gently on that little silver button and, even though my shutter was only open for a fraction of a second, the excited little flower grew right through my lens and left a profound impression.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

To Dance With Daffodils



Personally, I read quite a bit. I read the newspaper, novels, poetry, Scripture, bill boards on the freeway, and, at times, I even catch myself reading the next few entries in good 'ole Websters. I love to read. Of course, I read for the story, the information, or the feeling. However, what is even more gratifying is the slow dissection and appreciation for each word the author has chosen to use. The best of writers has a purpose for each word. When one reads the work of an acclaimed author, they are able to hold each individual word to a higher standard. These writers are artists of text, having the ability to paint worlds or emotions with mere words.

I generally enjoy writing for myself. I find it inappropriate to quote another unless the feelings they have written about perfectly match my own. However, I find it necessary to quote another if they have explained my emotions and thoughts better than I ever could. This entry is not a cop out; my writing would be simply sub-par to this master's work.

Nature to me is an escape, a bliss, a work of art so masterfully constructed that my jaw falls every time I gaze upon it. Nature as a whole is breathtaking; nature magnified is mind blowing. It is a wonder what a single flower can do to one's soul and it is electrifying to be captured by a host of flowers. William Wordsworth is a master of language. He has explained my feelings perfectly:

"Daffodils"

I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

No, these are not daffodils, but the emotion is here. I dropped to my knees before the tiny field of yellow flowers and raised my Nikon D70 to my eye. It took me ages to finally decide which flower to focus on. My breathing stalled and I pressed gently on that little silver button, allowing the wind to blow the field of flowers through my camera and into my "inward eye."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Focus


Only a liar would say that the world is free of hardship, that life is vindicated from suffering and loss. Those who have eyes to see and ears to hear understand that suffering has proliferated every life of every individual on the planet. Suffering does not heed anyone, nor does it favor any particulars. Suffering simply is; burdens are ever-present and all must carry a load. Some, of course, have drawn the short straw in life and are much less well off than others, but pain becomes present at every level of society; none are excluded.

We hope and pray for a day that will be different; we hope for a time that is free of hardship, pain, and weariness. Some try to ignore life altogether, in hope that pain or even death will overlook them. Others focus intently on every detail that occurs, trying to combat the inevitable and striving to change what is already written in stone. These men and women scrutinize their downfall, examine their inability, and study their loss. Such lifestyles produce the most stressed and wearied of all people. What these individuals do not understand is that the past is set in stone. Their studying and scrutinizing is all for naught because the past is unchangeable. So ignore the past? No! Learn from the past to prevent similar mistakes and situations in the future. But to dwell on hardship and suffering is quite simply unhealthy.

When one focuses so intently on what went wrong, they fail to see what is going right, all around them, all the time. These people are so blinded by their close scrutiny of one event, that they cannot see the good that yet remains in life. We are surrounded by blessings, surrounded by good. We live in a world that is destined for perfection and the Creator of the Universe waits along with us for all good to come about. Paul comments on this in Romans 8:20-21, "For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the One who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." He is waiting for all evil to pass just as we are. But in the mean time, we MUST look to what is good. We cannot dwell on the failures and pain of this world for it will only lead to our decay.

The solution is not to ignore the bad in life; think about it, mourn, and move on. Learn from such mistakes, do not muddle the present with the past. And, lastly, focus on the good in life; ponder and rejoice over what has been achieved, not what has been lost. Paul comments again in 2 Corinthians 4:18 saying "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." He takes it a step further by saying that we should focus on what transcends even the good in life; we should keep our sights focused on what is eternal.

As I meandered through a garden at the Arboretum, I was floored by the sheer volume of beauty the grounds contained. Not only was the land un-trampled by industrialization, it was filled to capacity with all that is considered naturally beautiful. However, on a particular bush planted directly before me, there was an obnoxious flower, or, rather, the remains of a flower, that had died. Its presence in the garden was small, and its significance on the grounds was infinitesimal. Yet, I was so drawn to it I could hardly look away. It seemed to glare at me, saying something along the lines of "Ha, now you cannot enjoy the garden." And it was almost true! The decrepit flower had drawn my attention so strongly that I had lost complete sight of the gargantuan amount of beauty that surrounded me. I approached the flower and, kneeling down beside it, lifted my Nikon D70 to my eye. I attempted to focus on the yellow beauties that lay beyond and around the decaying individual, but my camera seemed to focus itself on the lifeless plant. I allowed my own eye to focus on the stiff, unattractive petals and pressed gently on that little silver button. I heard the sound of my shutter open and close on a subject that quite bitterly resembled death. I stood and walked away, unable to appreciate or even remember the other vivacious flowers in its company.

Life's Ladder



I imagine life as this existence suspended in time and resting on a unique ladder of experiences and journeys, each rung representing a decision or step. No two people can use the same ladder; though, at times, two ladders may converge when their keepers journey together through life. No ladder is eternal and no ladder can bear their traveler forever. I think the ultimate question in life is "where will the future take me and where will my path lead?" However, most people will find out the hard way that life does not carry the living along. Life, on the contrary, has an agenda of its own and may or may not be looking out for each individual. In order to get anywhere in this life, one must make the effort themselves or get left in the dust. If the process of living was any other way, I would have photographed an escalator or something of the sort. Yet here we all stand, on our ladders, each with a singular past and a unique destiny, enduring existence and hanging on.

Realistically, there are only two directions one can travel on an ladder, up and down. Traveling down a ladder is easier on one's body, however, it can be much more dangerous. On the other hand, traveling up a ladder is much more difficult but the traveler is ultimately safer. Anyone who has spent any time on a ladder will know this to some degree. So then my point? To be blunt and un-suspenseful, those who travel up the ladder are searching for a higher purpose. I climb the ladder because I know Christ will meet me at the top. Those who descend the ladder are looking for the easier way through life. However, this descent will ultimately destroy all those who knowingly or ignorantly descend to the depths.

Life is about choices and decisions. Make these choices; do not remain standing on one rung of the ladder. But also, in these choices and decisions, try to climb. Make the better decision, take the high road, do the more difficult thing. In the end those who climb will end up where they want to be, on top on a life well lived. If one takes the easy way through life, they will end up in a pit, an inescapable and damning chasm of darkness. There are two ways to live, the right way, and the wrong way. There are many ways to climb and many ways to descend, but the important factor of living is that an ascent, not descent, is seen.

Up my ladder I looked, weary but sure of my purpose and destination, pulling my Nikon FA over my shoulder I lifted it to my eye. I peered through the viewfinder and saw my future. I focused on my future, not daring to focus on the past, and, with a gentle press on that little silver button, loaded my film with all that has yet to even occur.